Some people say to look at life like a marathon- you’re in it for the long haul. Other people say to look at it like a sprint, because time is limited and you never get time back. I’m not sure which I agree with, but I do think if you’re not starting at the starting line then you’re going to lose. Here’s what I mean…people are often unhappy with life because they wish it were something different than what it is. They regret a decision they made or didn’t make, or regret a relationship or job they no longer have. When I was incarcerated I spent the first couple of months absolutely miserable because I didn’t want to be in prison. I wanted to go back in time to before my relapse and do things differently. I wanted to undue all the damage I had done to the people I loved. I wanted my marriage back, my stepdaughters back, my relationship with my niece and nephew, my career, my memory, and I wanted my freedom and my life back. But that wasn’t an option, and until I accepted that I wasn’t starting at the starting line. The starting line was me, in prison, starting over. As long as I kept the starting line somewhere other than where I was, I was going to be unhappy. Once I accepted that, and moved my head and heart to where the starting line was, then I had a chance in the race. Then the playing field was leveled.
Next, I had to focus on gratitude instead of wasting energy on wishing on what wasn’t. Even if I accepted my reality but continued to focus on what wasn’t, then I was going to be unhappy. I could choose to focus on how much it sucks not being able to adjust the water temperature in the shower, or I could focus on being grateful that I was allowed to shower every day. I could focus on missing my family, or focus on being grateful they were healthy and doing well despite my absence. When my two aunts and uncle passed away while I was locked up at first I was just so mad at myself for putting myself in a situation where I couldn’t be a part of my family during that process. Then I decided to focus on the fact that had I not been in prison the reality was I probably would have been messed up on drugs and made the grieving process worse on everyone. Now that’s tough to admit. I’d rather live in the dream that had I been free I would be taking care of my family and being the cornerstone, but that’s not reality. So I had to reset my starting line, and focus on being grateful I wasn’t making things worse.
The problem is, we waste so much time and effort and happiness wishing for a reality that just doesn’t exist, and it keeps us in a cycle of misery. Stop focusing on what was, or what isn’t, and focus on what is and what you can be grateful for now, today. And do what you can to make tomorrow better, even if you don’t know what that is- then just breathe and do the next right thing. Pay attention to your thoughts and work on improving your thought process. Improve your self talk, and stop paying attention to what you see as faults in others. Focus on solutions, not problems…and stop wasting time worrying. I’ve never worried anything into working out the way I want it to.Life just doesn’t work that way.
So decide today to reset your starting line so you have a chance in this race called life. That’s all I have for today. Until next time- peace out.
