Not sure what it is about the fall that puts me in the mood to cook, but it does. Soon as the leaves start changing, I feel like cooking. Last weekend I made some split pea soup- which I kind of think gets a bad rap. I get that it looks like the notorious scene from the Exorcist, but it really is delicious when made right. If you’ve never had it, it usually tastes like bacon or ham. In my version last weekend I used both bacon grease and ham. I wanted a ham bone but oddly, can’t just get a ham bone at the stores near me. You have to buy the whole ham- but what am I going to do with a whole ham? Soup doesn’t require that much ham, and I’m not much for just eating ham, so instead I just bought a thick slice of ham- maybe what I would call a ham steak, then I diced it up real small- gave a few bites to the dogs- and used the rest in the soup. Then I put a few nice dollops of bacon grease in there, and it turned out pretty good. I also added cabbage, which I’ve never done before, but I had some that needed to be used. As much as I like cabbage, however, I don’t think I’ll do that again. Definitely didn’t add anything to it tastewise, and may have distracted from the natural deliciousness of the peas and bacon. My friend Eric won’t even try it, the soup not the cabbage, which I think is a shame. You shouldn’t judge food on how it looks. Same with people- I heard in a pep talk I was listening to this morning, that 50% of people don’t look at themselves in the mirror. That seems absurd to me. I get not liking what you see in the mirror- and that may be a physical mirror or a more abstract mirror meaning who you are, but pulling an ostrich isn’t going to change that. Believe you me, I’m speaking from experience, I haven’t always been proud of who I am- morally, physically, spiritually- and I’ve tried ignoring it, but it doesn’t just get better. I mean, I looked in the mirror one day-in my past- and saw a woman who had flushed 18 years of sobriety down the toilet and chose to steal drugs from people who trusted me. I saw a woman who was digging through sharps containers to try and find drugs. I saw a woman who was betraying the trust of her husband, stepdaughters, parents, siblings, niece and nephew. A woman who put all of those peoples lives in danger because it was more important for me to get high and try and pretend I wasn’t than to be honest and ask for help. A woman who pretended to be so many things but was none of them. And it sucked. And I tried to ignore it, but that just made things worse. So, not liking who you are or what you look like may be your reality, but it doesn’t have to be your forever. Something I learned in prison is you have to move your starting line. At least that’s how I choose to look at it. Move your starting line to where you are now, focus on gratitude, and work on what you have control over. Accept what you don’t. If you are looking in the mirror wishing you looked different, try this instead. Look in the mirror and accept this is what you look like. Then find one thing about your appearance that you are grateful for. Maybe it’s the color of your eyes, maybe you have nice eyelashes…whatever it is. Find one thing you are grateful for and focus on that. Then every day try to focus on that, not on what you don’t like. Now, the next thing is, if there are things you don’t like, ask yourself if you can do anything to improve it. If so, do it. If not, once again, move your starting line. Wishing things were different that can’t be changed is a waste of time, energy, and serenity. When I was unhappy that I was in prison I would wish I was free. Know what that got me? More unhappiness. I might as well wish I was a Disney princess for all the good it would do me. Prison was my reality, and wishing it was different just brought more unhappiness. So, I decided to move my starting line and focus on gratitude. It wasn’t easy, but it was simple, and simple I can do. When I would have the thought “I wish I wasn’t here.” I would immediately redirect my thought to, “I am here. This is my reality. But really, it’s a pretty nice prison. West Virginia is a very pretty state.” And then I would try to find 3-4 other things that I could be grateful for like, “The library here has a great selection of books.” or “We have a lot of freedom to go outside during the day.” And eventually, my thoughts began to naturally shift in a positive direction. Being conscious of your thought patterns will allow you to begin to realize how often they are negative, or wasteful. Wishing for anything to be different that it is is a waste of energy. Move your starting line, begin where you are. Focus on gratitude. Change what you can and accept what you can’t. It takes practice, but it will revolutionize your life.
I realize I started writing about cooking and went way off track, but sometimes I don’t really know what I’m going to write about, and if I try to plan it out then I just sit here staring at the computer. However, once I start writing, then it gets me going on some tangent, so I do apologize about the random starts, but it helps me write.
