I remember one day when I was in prison.. I was walking down the hall to get to my cubicle and one of the ladies that was in my drug treatment program was sitting in her cubicle. As I walked past she called out to me, so I stopped in and I said “What’s up?” She looked me directly in my eyes and said “ Do you know why I hate you?”
Now some people might be a bit put off by that question, however I was intrigued so I replied, “No, why is that?” and she said “Because you have no reason to have turned out the way you did.
I’ve heard your story, you had good parents and a good upbringing.. and you made so many bad decisions you ended up in here like the rest of us.” Well, she had a valid point so I took no offense. I did have a good upbringing.. two parents that loved me, a brother and sister that I got along with as well as siblings can, good education, strong upbringing in the Catholic faith.. but addiction doesn’t discriminate, neither does the ability to make poor choices.
I truly think I was put on this Earth to help other people, and how else could I help other people unless I’ve gone through some shit myself. I have had a better life than most, in some cases I’ve made worse decisions than most,in others I’ve also made better decisions than most and right now I’m engaging in the greatest comeback in history as far as I’m concerned.
I don’t see how my story could help other people if I couldn’t show them no matter how far down you go Redemption is always possible. Now, a lot of people would have gotten their panties in a bundle if someone said that to them and either turned it into an argument or walked away. I realize one of my flaws is being too blunt, but people who know me know that I’m just as blunt and honest with myself, and I think that’s crucial for real growth and self-improvement. I think the problem a lot of times is that people assume a judgment that is associated with the words that is not necessarily implied.
For example, I could have assumed that she thought I was morally corrupt or a bad person. Instead, I listened to her words and removed any assumed judgment and was able to say she had a valid point. I think a lot of problems in life are people assuming judgments or feelings that aren’t actually associated with the words being said. In the life coach course I took one of the lessons they teach if you want to have contentment in life to assume good intentions, and that is something I’ve tried to take to heart. It really has made a big difference in my life.
If I assume someone has good intentions- even if those good intentions are for themselves and not for me- then I’m better able to accept their words and actions without getting in my feelings about it. I can also learn from circumstances and feedback if I assume the person is doing it to make me a better person not to make me feel bad about myself. The thing is it, doesn’t matter if it’s true or not, maybe they have bad intentions but what good does it do me to assume that?
If my goal in life is to be happy, which it is, then by assuming good intentions I can often learn and grow even when people may be saying things I don’t necessarily appreciate. It seems in life we often get most upset when people tell us things that are true about ourselves that we don’t like, whereas if we would just open our minds to the feedback and assume they are trying to make us better people, then we could grow from those experiences. Especially with all the text messaging going on these days and emails and all other sorts of written instead of spoken words.
Next time you get an email or text message that makes you feel a bit put off or upset, try assuming the person has good intentions and see if it doesn’t change the tone of the message and how you feel. I hope everybody is enjoying this Memorial Day weekend and thanking all the vets and active members of the military for their service. I know I appreciate the freedom they provide and I thank them for all they have sacrificed for my freedom- even when that freedom meant being in prison.
One last thing, I know a lot of people who’ve been to prison in jail dislike the police or blame the police and I have to say I’m not one of those. Do I still get a little adrenaline rush when I see a police officer? Sure…I’d be lying if I said I didn’t. But again, that’s on me. I made a series of bad choices that led me to prison, so I can’t justly blame the legal system that put me there.
I’m a firm believer of not being a victim, so if I blame the legal system for what became my reality then I am making myself a victim and I don’t like that. So when I was in prison, and now that I’m out on parole, whenever I’m dealing with a situation related to it that I dislike I try to remind myself that it was my choices that have put me in the situation I’m currently unhappy with and that puts me in a position of control.
Not really sure of the point, and I’m all over the place with my thoughts, just kind of a random train of thoughts here so I’m going to sign off now. Hope everybody has a great holiday and until next time, peace out.
