I was having a bit of a rough day a couple of days ago. I was tired, had a long day, had some external shituations (love that word) stressing me out…etc. I was closing up my shop and feeling tired and worn out. As I was carrying the trash out I noticed how “poor me” my self talk was, and said to myself, “You are Jennifer God Damn Collins. You don’t feel sorry for yourself…you don’t let days like this get to you. You can handle this and anything else the Universe feels like throwing your way.” And that little pep talk reset my mindset and got me out of my funk. Then I realized, I did that without even thinking about it- and that’s not always been the case. A couple of years ago I would have wallowed in my self pity, called a couple of people who I knew would co-sign my bullshit and feed my “poor me” mentality, and curled up under my comfy, cozy blanket of “woe is me.” Back then, that was my normal pattern of thinking- and unfortunately that sort of thinking is self-fulfilling. When you focus on negative complaints instead of focusing on positive solutions that’s what you get- more negative. I have to admit, I did not want to go to prison, but the experience taught me a lot- about myself and my thought patterns. I wasn’t raised to feel sorry for myself, I was raised to believe I could do anything I put my mind to. My second ex-husband often used to remind me how I was “tough as nails” because I was…I didn’t let anything deter me. Somewhere along the line unfortunately, my thinking changed and I became enamored with being a victim. That sort of thinking kept me sick, and unhappy. In prison I realized that I control my reality with my thoughts. I can’t always control my reality, but I can control how I look at it. I was extremely unhappy my first couple of months in prison- I was miserable. I didn’t see how anyone could be okay with being in prison- I saw other women happy in there and couldn’t figure out how. Finally one day I said to myself, “Jen, you have 3 years in here. You can choose to be miserable, or you can choose to be happy, but regardless you’re stuck here.” So, I decided to reset my mindset and focus on gratitude instead. I reset the starting point for my reality so as to accept being in prison. That’s where I was. No changing that. So if I start there, then focus on what I have to be grateful for then maybe things would be better. Amazingly, from that day on, prison wasn’t that bad. I used the time to practice gratitude and practice changing my thought patterns. I became aware of when my thoughts were straying towards negativity and self-pity, and when I saw it, I would consciously stop and redirect my thoughts in a positive way. Like anything in life, it took practice, but in time my thought pattern became naturally positive. So now, when I have days that are tough, even if my thoughts start towards self-pity I now naturally stop it, give myself a toughen up pep talk, and refocus myself.
I want to encourage anyone reading this to take a close look at your thought patterns. Where do they keep you, or where do they take you? It really is not complicated to start channeling your thoughts in a positive way. Life is too short to feel discouraged and beat all the time. But life is hard, so it’s easy to fall into that trap. Don’t let your words make life tougher than it needs to be. Become the person who doesn’t let anything stop you. Become the champion of your life and let your self talk be a pep talk. That’s all I have for today. Until next time- Peace Out.
